Faded Reality

*Knock? knock?* Someone is knocking my door, must be my mom, told me to eat. Likewise she left the food in front of my door. I take it and leave it in my table. And then, I comeback to my computer, go back to my world. Life is so rude, people are so selfish everywhere-- also my parents, like other people, keep working and working and left their own child. Why people make their own life difficult?

In this world people taught me that I'm just an idiot, a loser, and hopeless rat. The only thing that is my friend is community on the Internet. But I don't know why, I feel so empty every time I stop playing. I spend my times there, while people said I'm just wasting my time and run from my life. Maybe they are right, I run from my pitiful life. I don't want go back to reality where fake attitudes, arrogance, and greed are everywhere. I prefer stay here, where people admire me, where I can be a good person for them, where I can do what I want to do.

Ah, another post to reply, another comment to put on, another answer to type. Is there more? I will refresh my browser again, they must be put some more posts. Funny and silly people, touching stories, wonderful artworks?

I don't realize my body is so weak, even my hands shake. I feel so light. I fall from my chair and have no will to get up. Awhile I think if people not so selfish? emptiness fills my whole heart again. I let out my breath and find it was relieving, I'm so tired and close my eyes-- and never open it anymore?

Story from my illusionary friend, Myandeiga the Illusionist.

Rosiana, Jakarta 2004.